


"My Number Is 0"

by takemylifenotmyheart



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 19:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16939458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takemylifenotmyheart/pseuds/takemylifenotmyheart
Summary: You struggle to have a conversation with Bucky to convince him that you’re a virgin because he refuses to believe it.





	"My Number Is 0"

It had been not one of your best days, or weeks for that matter, to put it one way. Your university sucked, you got fired from your temp job three days ago for being rude to a really rude customer but your manager was a dick and so he’d let you go, you had a million due submissions but you didn’t feel like doing any of it and so you’d decided to sulk about with Netflix and ice cream. You were watching this movie called “What’s Your Number” and it didn’t help that the movie was basically about the female lead having had a lot of sex (like that is ever a problem????) when you’d had like one boyfriend in all of your 20 years and even that hadn’t gone down well, forget about sex. At this point in your life you were pretty convinced that you would definitely 1) die alone 2) without having ever experienced romantic love 3) but also with puppies. The third point more or less made up for the first two, in your mind. The only reason you kept watching the movie was because despite everything you were a secretly a hopeless romantic (it really clashed with the nihilistic aspect of your personality, hence “secretly”) and this movie was using one of the most overused yet also one of your favourite cliché tropes ever: the fuckboy finally falls in love with someone and settles down. That, and the actor specifically was extremely cute.

Anyway, you were watching the movie and having ice cream directly from the tub because well, what did you even have to lose at this point?

Suddenly, the door of your room banged open and Bucky entered your room, a smug grin on his face. The sight of him just made you groan internally even more. Bucky was one of your closest friends and you may or may not have started to develop a teensy little crush on him. You kept hoping that the annoying feeling would go away but so far it hadn’t and it just really bothered you. You hoped that it didn’t ever show in your interactions with him because he was your friend before anything else and that was what mattered most to you, love and crushes be damned. You consciously tried to make sure you didn’t change your behaviour towards him but the oblivious dick that he was, you were about 90% sure he wouldn’t realize anything was off until he actually saw you, you don’t know, crying into a bucket or something? Yeah, he was that bad with emotions. One time when he’d entered your room without realizing, he’d tried to walk out backwards once he realized you were crying. You caught him trying to awkwardly walk backwards and suffice to say his “um I was just trying to uh practice walking backwards?” didn’t cut it very well.

Bucky walked into the room and sat down with a plop on the bed next to you and took a spoonful of ice cream from the tub. You rolled your eyes at him, how he managed to eat the same amount of junk as you and not gain a single pound was beyond you. Man, the super soldier serum came with such perks you almost considered signing up for a volunteering list if Hydra ever put those out ever again.

“Guess who got laid tonight.” Oh great, of course he got laid. That infinitely helped current matters.

“Well it’s not ME so”, you grumpily snatched the spoon back from Bucky’s hand and shoved it into the tub.

Bucky caught onto your tone of your voice and curiously watched you as you shoveled ice cream into your mouth and resumed watching the movie, which you had paused when Bucky had entered the room.

“Are you okay?” Guess Bucky boy wasn’t as oblivious as you’d made him out to be.

“Yeah sure why wouldn’t I be?” Or in other mental words, how am I supposed to put all the angst I’m feeling into coherent words especially when one of the major contributors to my angst IS the fact that I have a huge crush on you while you’re going out banging other people? Totally explainable, pfft.

“C’mon Y/N, talk to me. What’s up?” Bucky had opened his shoes and he climbed into bed, scooting in to sit closer to you. He’d definitely caught onto the grumpy garden gnome attitude you had going on and Bucky knew something was nagging you and he also knew that you were going to eventually let him in but he had to be persistent enough. Bucky always caught onto the little things about you. Like how you had a fixed order in which you had the colored candies and how you could only have the volume of things at even numbers and odd numbers you called “pretty” like 15 or 5. A 13 or a 17 was strictly unacceptable. This logic bewildered Bucky but he went along with it, and over time he’d come to realize that his volume unconsciously also somehow was always in even numbers.

“Ugh nothing I just-”

Somehow Bucky always broke your defenses down and you didn’t understand how. It was probably because he didn’t have enough of a life and so he always had obscene amounts of time to cater to your nonsense, you rationalized. Truth was, Bucky was always so amused by your problems. Not in the way that he didn’t take them seriously but they were always of such a hilarious variety that he couldn’t help but laugh at most of them. Truth also was that Bucky genuinely cared and wanted to help you out with your problems, no matter how ridiculous they turned out to be most of the time.

“ – I’m seeing this stupid movie called What’s Your Number and the lead girl’s had sex with like 20 people and the national average of the number of guys a woman sleeps with is like 10 according to Cosmopolitan in the movie and now I’m below the average by literal national standards i”

You resignedly resume ice cream shoveling into your mouth as you see Bucky curiously looking at you.

“Yes sure judge me now. Thanks a lot.”

“I’m not judging you I just, why are you so concerned about the number? Sex is sex right I mean so what if you’ve had it with less than 10 guys that doesn’t make any difference?” Bucky treaded cautiously, he didn’t mean to further upset you with your mood going on but he also didn’t understand why you were suddenly so concerned about how many guys you had slept with. I mean, sex, in the end, is just sex right? And you’d obviously had sex so what was the fuss?

You stopped having ice cream to look Bucky in the eye, trying to figure out if he was joking or not.

“Bucky…I’ve not had sex?”

It was said in the tone of “Duh?” your eyebrows were raised and you were mildly annoyed by this point. Did he really think you cared about numbers? It was the fact that in 19 years of your life you’d never had sex at ALL that you were disgruntled about.

“What?”

Somehow Bucky was as confused as you were and that was just annoying you even more. You couldn’t recall a single moment when you had told him that you HAD had sex so why was Bucky acting like you were dropping a news bomb or something?

“Thanks for really rubbing it in Bucky that helps a lot.”

Had this been over text you would’ve sent a string of passive aggressive smilies but since it was irl you had to settle for physically giving him a saccharine sweet smile before returning to your bitch face and ice cream a literal second later. You felt the spoon reach the end of the tub and you cursed to yourself as you kept the tub by your bed and picked up a bottle of wine in its place.

“No it’s just- you’ve never…?” At this point Bucky was genuinely confused. He couldn’t wrap his head around this news bomb that you’d dropped on him. You were always so open about sex, you always joked about it, he knew for a fact that you were definitely bi-curious and that you’d kissed girls when you were drunk, he’d seen you jokingly grab people’s dicks, hell he even knew your specific sexual kinks. He remembered a whole conversation that had happened with him, you, Natasha Sam and Steve about sexual preferences. How did you have kinks if you hadn’t…had sex???

“No Bucky I’ve never had sex?” Your internal monologue by this point was too tired to comment anymore, all that was happening was a string of “???????” and confusion. Why did he just assume you’d had sex when you’ve literally never said you did?

“I’m not buying that, it’s impossible.” You were messing with him, you had to be. It just didn’t add up, none of it added up and there was just the tiniest part inside Bucky that was popping up with “that means! you! could! be! her! first! fam!” that Bucky was trying desperately hard to shut down. This was the last place he needed his feelings for you to overtake his basic thinking processes. However, try as he might, he just couldn’t get that annoying, nagging thought to go away. If she really hadn’t had sex all these years, what made you think she was going to have sex with you? Bucky tries desperately to rationalize with himself.

“??? Bucky why would I lie? I haven’t had sex what the fuck??” You were beyond mildly annoyed at this point, you were fully blown out annoyed. You turned to Bucky with glaring eyes, why the FUCK would he think you were making this up? Not like Natasha didn’t tease you enough about this already when it was just the two of you alone? A part of you felt like Bucky was doing this just to get a kick out of it and that pissed you off even further.

“But-!”

You glared at him, waiting for him to complete the sentence.

“But you kissed Natasha on a dare last Sunday!” He protested, Bucky was trying his hardest to come to terms with it but he just somehow couldn’t.

“Yes Bucky it was a dare?? How does that imply that I’ve somehow had sex??” You could see the confusion building in Bucky’s eyes as he tried to process all of it, you just didn’t understand why? You could see him trying to form another argument in his defence.

“You have handcuffs in your bathroom Y/N!” Ohmygod, was he really going to go there.

“I HAVE KINKS BUCKY BUT NO ONE TO FULFILL THEM WITH.”

“Y/N I heard moaning coming from your room last Tuesday okay why are you messing with me” Bucky looked and sounded like he was on the verge of a breakdown, his eyes were in manic and he looked so lost and bewildered except you were in that same condition, only two levels up.

“That was literally porn Buck I didn’t know you were back yet i” You could cry at this point, you swore you could literally cry at this point. Why was he fighting you on this? What was so unbelievable about the fact that you were so sexually unwanted? Your own thoughts made you want to jump off the balcony of you apartment at this point. You were so frustrated you didn’t even know what to do with Bucky or yourself anymore. You slid back into your pillows, grabbed one to stifle your face with it and screamed into it. This was unbelievable and was definitely not how you had ever planned to tell Bucky you were a virgin. Ever since you’d started to have that crush on him you’d been wildly apprehensive of the fact that while the person you had a crush on happened to have sex every other night and judging by the moans you head on some nights, seemed to be pretty damned good at it, you, on the other hand happened to be a whole virgin. Not like there was anything like a part virgin but you get my point. You always thought it would set him off even in the unlikely fantastical situation where he did happen to like you back but at this point you were sure you might as well have beaten him away with a stick. Maybe if you kept the pillow on your face long enough you’d die of suffocation? Yep that seemed like a good way to go.

Meanwhile, Bucky was stunned into silence. You really hadn’t had sex, then? He didn’t know how he felt about that or to be specific, what to do with that information. A part of him felt strangely happy, or relieved that nobody else had had sex with you yet. He didn’t know how he would feel if he knew anyone who did have sex with you. Ever since he’d shifted to this new apartment and started hanging out with you, he knew he liked you a little more than most people. You always made him laugh, you always had so much to say Bucky would spend hours listening to you and laughing at your comical rants about the most random things. You swore they were serious issues and Bucky always solemnly nodded but each time you launched into one of your never ending talks, your hands would start gesturing in the air, your spectacles would keep slipping, you’d have to keep pushing them up the bridge of your nose every few minutes and Bucky would notice a stupid smile creeping onto his face and before long he knew he was falling for you. It wasn’t any elaborate realization, it was just one of those things that hit him when he and you were out on one of your many coffee/café runs. Sometimes you both met up at cafes to catch up when you both hadn’t seen each other in a really long time. It was the usual, you were sitting across him from the table going off about college and he was looking at how your lips moved when they formed the different letters and sounds, and how there was this one strand of hair that kept falling across your face that you kept brushing away every five seconds and Bucky remembered suddenly thinking “oh so this is what it feels like”. No articulation was necessary, he knew how he felt and he intended for things to always be the same way. You meant a lot more to him than he could gamble away for a single relationship, had it been anyone else he would’ve already asked them out. He’d learnt to live with this realization, content with his love for you, never expecting anything from your side because he knew that was asking for too much. It did make him happy though that this meant your asshole of an ex boyfriend had not had sex with you. Bucky had a solid punch saved specially for that guy in case he ever saw him around anywhere.

Bucky saw you had buried yourself under a pile of pillows. He dragged he pillow out of your face after you tried your best to hold onto your last layer of shame but you couldn’t hold your own against Bucky. You sat up reluctantly and picked up a bottle of wine from your bedside.

“So, you’ve really never had sex?” Bucky asked again but softly, more serious this time. You still didn’t understand why it was difficult for him to process this bit but you could make out from his tone that he wasn’t fooling around, he genuinely wanted to know.

“No Buck I haven’t. I’m going to die a virgin with 17 puppies.” You sighed as you took a swig from your bottle.

“Not if I can help it.”

“What?” Your breath hitched in your throat for a second as you choked on your bottle while trying to take another swig. What was Bucky implying? He and you flirted around a lot but none of it was ever said or meant in such serious contexts. If he was joking, now was such a bad time to do it.

Bucky noticed your breath catch in your throat as well as the fact that you had tried to cover up you choking on your bottle as coughing. Bucky didn’t want to jump to conclusions and get ahead of himself but suddenly a lot of things started to fall into place, or so it seemed to him. He and you always joked around with each other and every time they flirted Bucky wished you really meant what you said but he knew you didn’t. Did you? Bucky remembered how every time Bucky said something a little more suggestive than usual, you would laugh it off and on more than one plus occasions you had choked on your drink as well and tried to cover it up with a laugh. Could it mean…? Bucky decided to play a wild card, if it didn’t end up with what he was hoping would be your reaction then he could easily play it off like he didn’t mean it but he decided to go for it based on the 1% chance that your reaction was the one he was hoping for. It was probably a horrible time but Bucky had no such practical sense and all he could think of was this was a really great chance and if he didn’t make use of this one god knows how much longer he’d have to wait for the next one to come along. He’d blown his last one when he’d finally mustered up enough courage while drunk to go and tell you how he really felt about you but when he’d entered your room he’d seen you were crying at your laptop. It was obviously not a good moment and as much as Bucky wanted to leaves without being noticed, you had chosen that unfortunate moment to look up. As an explanation you gave the most lame excuse you could ever think of and Bucky sometimes wondered if you’d ever caught onto that and he hadn’t dared to take another shot at it since then. That was months ago. Bucky decided to take the plunge once again, deicing to verbalize all the “signs” he was sure he had over thought.

“I mean it. I’ve seen you sneaking looks at me, whenever I’m around and especially when I return after having worked out, I am a super soldier you know. I can pick up on the slightest things like how your breath hitches in your throat when I do this.” He slowly moves his hair away and leans in to softly press his lips to the space right above your collarbones, he lingers for a while, pressing a second smaller kiss before pulling back as slowly he had leant in, looking up at your face for any signs of displeasure. He chuckles darkly when he sees your chest rising and falling, he can hear your heart rate now sped up to twice the normal. His heart was also pounding against his chest in anticipation of whether or not you liked it and he’s never been more glad than this moment that you couldn’t read him like he could you, yet.

You sat there staring at Bucky expressionlessly while your mind ran at five thousand miles an hour. What had just happened? Had Bucky just offered to have sex with you and then kissed you? Were your dreams getting more realistic in terms of wish fulfillment these days? You decided to shake yourself out of your internal monologue and decided to take the plunge. You didn’t know what had come over you but you didn’t know when you’d get another chance and plus the alcohol in your system was doing most of the reasoning so it felt like a justified response. You took a deep breath before letting thr ball drop.

“Okay yes fine. I like you. I never told you because well you’re one of my closest friends and I like you too much to risk throwing all of it away and plus I figured you’d probably never actually like me anyway so I just- ” You rambled off hoping he got the message and that it wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass sometime.

“What makes you think you’d fuck it up?” Bucky couldn’t believe his plan had actually worked out, never had he ever imagined that you’d have feelings for him. In fact, he was convinced you couldn’t and here you were saying you would fuck it up? Bucky swore he had never heard such utter nonsense in his whole life but he also wanted to genuinely know why you would think that way.

“You bring home a different girl every other night Buck I naturally assumed you’d want nothing to do with one with literally zero idea or experience.” You shrug, that one reason seemingly self sufficient enough for you and you shrugged weakly to make your point. If Bucky hadn’t gotten up and made a run for it yet that was good right?

“I like you too Y/N.”

“What?” This had got to be a joke right? There was no way this could actually be happening, what was it, a fanfic? He was obviously still messing around and you had no idea when the whole thing had ended up taking such an intense turn. You didn’t remember having planned out “emotionally draining conversations” as part of your schedule, only “Netflix and ugly crying”. “If this is your payback for the whole “I’m a virgin” situation Buck I swear I’m not lying about it i-”

You’re cut off from completing your frustrated rant as your feel a pair of lips on your own, the bed shifts and you see Bucky cautiously move his weight to come closer to you. A hand slips behind your back holding you in place as you close your eyes and lean forward into his lips, kissing him back gingerly, still unsure of the turn of events. However, by then you were too stunned to process what was happening. Besides, you’d wanted to kiss Bucky for way too long by then for you to deny yourself it when it was somehow finally happening and so you just decided to let things take their course. The moment you kissed Bucky back, you could feel the urgency in the kiss increase instantly, another hand slipped quietly behind you as Bucky held you tighter and pulled you closer to him. His hands travelled down your back, strong palms firmly gripping your curves as he pulled you onto his lap with another jerk using your lower back as leverage, his hands now resting on your hips and your legs now wrapped around his waist on the bed. Your hands made their way to the back of his neck, your fingers intertwining in his long strands. You were now lost in the kiss, any and all traces of previous hesitation gone entirely as your let yourself get lost in the feel of Bucky’s soft warm lips. Bucky abruptly moves his face away and you whimper at the loss of contact but it’s only momentary as moments later you feel his lips kissing a trail up your neck, taking his time to pause and greedily draw out moans from you as he took his own sweet time to suckle on your sensitive spots, lightly biting them, licking them and then lightly blowing on them; the sensations from the alternating warm lips and the cool air sending tingles straight down into your core. You tug on his hair when he’s been sucking on the most ticklish part of your neck for over a minute now with no signs of letting go, relishing how you were hopelessly wriggling in his firm, iron grip t get away and giggling in frustration and desperation. You tugged hard on his luscious locks in an attempt to get him to stop but he only groaned against your neck at the sensation, you felt his breath get heavier against your neck as you realized hair pulling was one of his kinks. You giggled at the realization as Bucky pressed one last sloppy kiss against what you were sure was now going to be a very visible bruise the next morning, not that you minded in the least. He breathed heavily into your neck for a few moments, the breath making you giggle once again as it really did tickle you.

He looked up from the crook of your neck with a shy, sheepish smile on his lips, “Sorry I got carried away?”

You smiled at him, kissing the tip of his nose while still sitting atop him. No words were necessary, both of you knew neither of you regretted it. After a point, Bucky had leaned forward to rest his head on your chest and you rested your head against his, stroking his hair silently. You both just sat silently for a while but the silence didn’t feel uncomfortable in the least. Both of you wanted to say something but nobody wanted to take the leap. After a while, you decided to speak up in a small voice, your fingers still fiddling with Bucky’s strands,

“So, guess it’s a good thing I haven’t had sex yet huh?”

Bucky raises his head from your chest and lifts your face up with his index finger to bring it to eye level, the smirk on his lips matching the mischievous twinkle in his blue-grey eyes as he says,

“Doll, you know the offer I made still stands right?”

“In fact”, he says, his voice drawling out and the smirk widening on his face as he suddenly pushes you off his lap and onto the pillows behind you. In an instant he’s hovering over you, the way in which his eyes filled with unbridled lust was looking at you at that instant more than enough to get you wet.

“In fact, let’s change that right now, what do ya say?”


End file.
